Fun:Andy's Evening

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Andy's Evening[edit]

The night air drifted through the curtains, bringing with it humidity, the aftermath of a warm, damp day. The weather, however, was the last thing on Andy Schlafly's mind. He was used to receiving hourly requests for attention from Ken, but in this one instance he smiled as he read Ken's latest article suggestion: Richard Dawkins and his success in court. His day behind him, he permitted himself a brief respite from the struggle against Hollywood values.


Muttering under his breath, Andy's thoughts turned to the recent insight he had; that no Conservapedians anywhere had any mental problems. As he sat at his computer, Googling his own name, Andy felt himself grow tired. The long day had taken its toll, it was finally time to sleep. Woken by a sudden sound, Andy sat immediately upright, throwing out his back as he did so. Pulling his pants on as he ran toward his study and the ringing phone, Andy swayed dangerously as his hangover took full effect. Having reached his study, Andy picked up the phone and muttered his salutation. As Andy was informed of the situation that had unfolded in his absence, his blood began to boil. Without so much as a farewell, Andy slammed the phone down and made haste to his computer. The liberal vandals were at it again, adding facts to Conservapedia's prized articles. " Sweet Obama!" he yelled at the top of his lungs, startling the neighbors.


His eyes watering from the brightness of the screen, Andy quickly redirected his browser away from His talk page, by now almost entirely occupied by Ken's tragic please for attention, and toward Conservapedia's contaminated article. As the article loaded, Andy was incandescent with rage when he read repeated requests for him to cite the sources of the statistics he'd cleverly developed in support of his claims. After immediately burning the page, Andy opened the talk page and prepared to make a strong case against the alterations.


After much thought and careful wording, Andy posted his response to the previous editor of his article:

' "Anonymous User" (you can't even post in your own real name), I urge you to accept logic with an open mind. I wasted time with your unsubstantial additions and you are unlike 99% of evolutionists, who avoid the Bible like the plague and even discourage others from reading it, so let me guess: you're almost certainly a liberal who's here to push your misguided ideology rather than genuinely help anyone learn. Furthermore, you deny that abstinence prevents against skateboarding. Whatever the mainstream media might say, not all smokers get lung cancer, and not everyone in jail committed a crime, but the vast majority of atheists are liberals. Why does the likelihood of Obama's being a Muslim bother you and other liberals so much? I'm not interested in wasting my time with someone like you.--Andy Schlafly 12:49, 19 May 2024 (UTC)'

Still not satisfied, Andy decided to ban the user for their insubordination. Cackling to himself, he clicked the Ban button and smiled widely as the log showed:

Aschlafly (Talk|Contribs) blocked AmesG with an expiry time of 5 years (account creation disabled, e-mail blocked) (Liberal point-pushing)


Conservapedia was safe for another night. Chuckling to himself, Andy knew it was safe to sleep once again. He knew he'd earned it.

The End